I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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