Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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