As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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