I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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