I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
