Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You pole danced in your parka.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
