My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
