Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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