I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She's the barista slut.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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