So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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