Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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