Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
