I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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