I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
