doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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