Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
