Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
