I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
