so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
