Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
