it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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