I got chris browned last night
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
