She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
