with your own penis?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
