I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
