apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
