You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
