Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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