My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
