I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
