i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
