non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
