There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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