soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
