i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
