feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
