wanna go halves on a baby?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
