Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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