toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
love makes seman taste better
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
