is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
