You can't special order awesome
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
