yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
