He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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