The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
