peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
