dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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