i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
