i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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