u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So. Much. Porn.
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