So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
