ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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